"goodbye naughty no no"

I used to bite my nails all the time, but these days I only bite them when I'm nervous. Needless to say, I'm nervous and after today, my fingernails are pretty short. I think it's mostly fear of the unknown. I'm trying not to be really emotional about the whole thing. Every so often though I am overcome by a heavy feeling that is coupled with a thought like "I can't believe I'm moving to Ecuador for a year". My sister said she understood the feeling, that its like a small black hole in me that I need to fill with positive thought, sparkling light as she said, so as not to get overburdened by nerves or fear. That's a pretty accurate explanation as to how I feel when I have those thoughts so I always follow her advice just try to think of something positive instead. "I've wanted to do this for a long time." "This is really going to help me get into a great grad school so that I can teach people how to teach English some day" (unless I decide to go to culinary school instead, which is a very viable option in my mind). "I finally get to speak Spanish on a regular basis." "I know people that are currently teaching in other countries and loving it." "It's only a year and I'm sure it will go by quickly." etc etc. 

It is weird though to think that when I get back home, my young cousins will be a whole year older. I had a really nice dinner with my extended family on my mom's side tonight. Alex, my youngest cousin, doesn't quite understand yet what exactly a "year" means or where a place is if it is outside of the United States. Our conversation went something like this:

"Alex, don't you know that after tonight, you won't see me for a whole year?" 

"What's a year?" 

"It's 365 days. When I get back, you will be 7 years old. I won't be home until after the next Christmas or after your birthday next January." 

"Where are you going?" 

"To Ecuador. Do you know where South America is? It's really far away." 

"No. Is is in the United States?" 

"Nope, a whole different country... even further than Mexico." 

"Oh cry-yiy." 

Then I pretty much forced him to give me a hug and said goodbye and then he said, "Goodbye naughty no no."

Don't get me wrong, I am really excited about going to Ecuador. I can't help but be scared though. As much as I've missed living in Madison since I moved back home last August, I've enjoyed being able to spend so much time with my family.

My sister and I went shopping in Milwaukee today. I bought some clothes and a couple books to take with me. I have some more miscellaneous stuff to buy too. I also bought another suitcase the other day because I'm not sure I can pack my whole life into one and what's another $50 or whatever of baggage fees in the while scheme of things?

I will start packing tomorrow... that leaves me two days to get that all done.

Still can't believe I'm leaving on Tuesday.