"goodbye naughty no no"

I used to bite my nails all the time, but these days I only bite them when I'm nervous. Needless to say, I'm nervous and after today, my fingernails are pretty short. I think it's mostly fear of the unknown. I'm trying not to be really emotional about the whole thing. Every so often though I am overcome by a heavy feeling that is coupled with a thought like "I can't believe I'm moving to Ecuador for a year". My sister said she understood the feeling, that its like a small black hole in me that I need to fill with positive thought, sparkling light as she said, so as not to get overburdened by nerves or fear. That's a pretty accurate explanation as to how I feel when I have those thoughts so I always follow her advice just try to think of something positive instead. "I've wanted to do this for a long time." "This is really going to help me get into a great grad school so that I can teach people how to teach English some day" (unless I decide to go to culinary school instead, which is a very viable option in my mind). "I finally get to speak Spanish on a regular basis." "I know people that are currently teaching in other countries and loving it." "It's only a year and I'm sure it will go by quickly." etc etc. 

It is weird though to think that when I get back home, my young cousins will be a whole year older. I had a really nice dinner with my extended family on my mom's side tonight. Alex, my youngest cousin, doesn't quite understand yet what exactly a "year" means or where a place is if it is outside of the United States. Our conversation went something like this:

"Alex, don't you know that after tonight, you won't see me for a whole year?" 

"What's a year?" 

"It's 365 days. When I get back, you will be 7 years old. I won't be home until after the next Christmas or after your birthday next January." 

"Where are you going?" 

"To Ecuador. Do you know where South America is? It's really far away." 

"No. Is is in the United States?" 

"Nope, a whole different country... even further than Mexico." 

"Oh cry-yiy." 

Then I pretty much forced him to give me a hug and said goodbye and then he said, "Goodbye naughty no no."

Don't get me wrong, I am really excited about going to Ecuador. I can't help but be scared though. As much as I've missed living in Madison since I moved back home last August, I've enjoyed being able to spend so much time with my family.

My sister and I went shopping in Milwaukee today. I bought some clothes and a couple books to take with me. I have some more miscellaneous stuff to buy too. I also bought another suitcase the other day because I'm not sure I can pack my whole life into one and what's another $50 or whatever of baggage fees in the while scheme of things?

I will start packing tomorrow... that leaves me two days to get that all done.

Still can't believe I'm leaving on Tuesday.

one week til take off.

Welcome to my blog. I hope to be updating this frequently with thoughts and stories relating to the adventure of a lifetime I am about to have. Feel free to comment with your own thoughts or questions. I hope to share as much of my trip with my family and friends as I can through this site, email, and Skype. I also hope that they, and probably you if you're reading this right now, enjoy following me through my experiences in South America.

The people closest to me know that the biggest regret I have in life is that I did not study abroad in college. Reasons aside, I just didn't do it. I knew then and still know now that I should have, but I didn't and that's that. About seven months ago, I completed an intensive program at the Wisconsin English as a Second Language Institute and received a certificate that gives me credentials to get an English teaching job pretty much anywhere in the world. I had been volunteering as an ESL tutor when I decided to do the program, thinking that teaching English abroad for at least a year could be a chance for me to, in a way, get the sort of study abroad experience I was never able to have in college. I love teaching English. It's exciting, satisfying, and frustrating at the same time. In my case, it only makes sense that I go to a Spanish-speaking country so that along with accomplishing my goal of teaching English professionally, I will have the opportunity to speak Spanish and experience a part of the continent whose history, culture, and geography I studied for four years at the University of Wisconsin. With this plan in mind, I moved back home last August and after a few weeks of passively looking for teaching jobs online while working a full time temp job here, I found one. In Ecuador.

It is still hard for me to grasp that in one week, I will be on my way there. I am flying out of Milwaukee at 7:00 AM on Tuesday, February 2, to Atlanta, then Miami, and landing in Quito sometime in the evening. Then on Wednesday morning I have to catch a plan to Loja, the city where I will be teaching English for one year. As excited as I am, the more I think about it, the more hesitant/nervous, I become. There's no backing out now. I was injected with all the vaccines I need, purchases the plane tickets online, and now have my suitcases sitting out ready to be stuffed full of a years worth of belongings.The longest and only time I've been out of the country was the two week trip I took to visit a friend in Tijuana, Mexico. Baja California isn't exactly in a different hemisphere or anything realizing that the city is a half hour from San Diego, but that trip was a huge deal for me at the time. It was a great experience, but by the end of the two weeks I was mentally exhausted and ready to return home. I know that the journey I am about to embark on will be the biggest thing I have ever done so I cannot help but feel a little nervousness along with all of the excitement.

Last night I had trouble sleeping. I went shopping with my mom yesterday to stock up on miscellaneous small items that I need to bring with me that may not be easily available in Ecuador. Unfortunately at some point in the store, the list I compiled of things I have to buy fell out of the cart and I couldn't find it even after retracing my steps... so now I have to try to think of what else was on that list. That's what I get for trying to be organized and proactive. I also printed about 50 pictures of my family and best friends at a Kodak kiosk to bring with me to hang on the walls of my bedroom. In my last week in the States, I vow to watch as much American TV as possible, because honestly, I know I will miss it A LOT.

Finally, who knew cats love luggage so much? Surely to them a carry on suitcase is just another place to make a den. Too bad I can't bring them with me or even let them know that I'm leaving for a year and won't be around to play with them or let them sleep in my bed. Here's to hoping Indy and Jax remember me when I return.